She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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