i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
We left an ass print on the piano.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
