wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
