remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
