You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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