Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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