I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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