Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
