bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
