Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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