I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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