I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
