I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
