I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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