Im at strip club and am horny
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Randomize
