If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
