I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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