I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
