rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
