Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
