It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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