I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
