Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
