If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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