just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
