I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
