u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
