Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
