just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
