things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
