Fuck appropriateness.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
