Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
