I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
