I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
