I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
