i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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