i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
