wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
