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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.

  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar

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• (941): View more from Florida

  Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.

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• (518): View more from New York

  his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"

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• (905): View more from Ontario

  I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd

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• (714): View more from California

  I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?

  (856): View more from New Jersey

  Of course. Go big or go home.

  (330): View more from Ohio

  You're my fucking queen.

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• (860): View more from Connecticut

  Like the friend zone has no room for winks

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• (952): View more from Minnesota

  How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  I think the pizza guy was in shock..

  (216): View more from Ohio

  Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS

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• (702): View more from Nevada

  Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.

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