mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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