Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
