having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We got so high we made milksteak
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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