This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
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