My underwear smells like fireworks.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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