Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
