very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
