Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
