I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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