first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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