if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
