My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
the raccoons are back...
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